Friday, October 19, 2018

Finding Beauty in the Mess

"We all hit messy walls in life and learn, then survive; coming out on a better side of it all."

There are days where we accidentally sleep through our alarm clock. There are days where we have no energy to work out. There are days where we have breakfast at 11 P.M. There are days where we have no energy to hang out with anyone. There are days where we don't even know the weather outside because we are too busy to leave the house. Life is unpredictable. Life can be complicated. Life is messy, and when life is messy, it can be stressful. 

There have been quite a few times where my life has gotten pretty messy. Around December of last year, my life got turned upside down because I took one wrong step (literally). This wrong step caused me to fracture my fibula. A mistake that completely made me let go of my goals for a while. During that time, I was so close to transferring to a university, had started my first senior spokesmodel program and had 4 amazing girls on the team, and I was the most motivated I had ever been. All of these things changed in one second. One second of pain and anger in myself for being so clumsy.

It was during this time where my life felt dark and lonely. I couldn't go out and hang out with friends because I was injured. I couldn't dedicate the time that I could to ministry because I had no energy and was in pain. I couldn't even do what I loved most, which was photography. I felt bitter and depressed to a point where I would cry myself to sleep. But I didn't know that during this time, God was working where I couldn't see. 

I had so much free time, so I would read books and read my Bible. I'd seek answers as to why something like this could happen to me when I was always putting God first. It was this daily seeking, sometimes in anger, that molded my spiritual life to a level that I had never reached before. I felt God's silence as I had never felt before, but I had no idea that He was preparing something for me. My strength increased, my relationship with God was deeper, I felt so in-tune with my emotions, and I felt this new kind of motivation to be better and to be less busy and more present. 

Here is the reality: Yes, life is messy. Yes, sometimes things don't necessarily go as we planned. Yes, sometimes we feel as though everything is tumbling down, but when we choose to depend on God and to trust in His promises for our lives, things get easier. 

During the time that I broke my leg, I learned how to take a step back and I learned how to take deep breaths. It is true that God's timing is perfect, and I feel as though he was preparing me for my very next step. Life can completely change from one day to another. We can receive news that our loved one passed, we can find ourselves moving to a whole different city, we can injure ourselves, all of this can happen from one day to another. 

But during this time, when we are the most vulnerable, we must exercise our faith. During the time that we feel God's silence, we must exercise our patience. We need to continue to pray and be prepared because as soon as God makes our purpose for our trial known to us, we need to be ready to listen. Meanwhile, it is up to us to notice the beauty in the mess. To find that balance between joy and trial. We need to put our confidence in God and trust that He truly does have everything under control. The word of God states, 

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them."-Romans 8:28

We can confidently rest assured knowing that God will glorify Himself in the middle of the mess. He has never failed, and He never will. Although fear and sadness can creep into our lives during these difficult times, this is when our faith needs to increase because what is coming next will require a deeper level of trust. So yes, even though life is messy, it is necessary to take a step back and look at the beauty that God has so delicately placed before us. 

Are you currently experiencing this level of sadness or mess? I encourage you to take a deep breath and trust in God's perfect timing and strength. Life is messy, but it isn't always messy, this means that things will eventually get better. What steps can you take today to trust God in the middle of the mess? 

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